I think most of my colleagues will agree that the job of a tattoo artist is pretty great. The pay isn't bad considering the workload. We usually don't have to be up early so the hours are good. If your doing your job right the risks of injury are practically nil. And what else? Oh, yeah... you get to be an artist for a living! And not just any artist, but a tattoo artist. You have the blessing of a job that not just anyone can do and you get to do some pretty cool art and with this art you get to touch peoples lives. Everyone remembers their first tattoo experience. It's not always good but they remember it.
Yes, sir. Being a tattoo artist is pretty great. So what's the problem? Well, you might have guessed that this is a customer service industry, the key word here being "customer".
I thank my walking, upright God for every single cent He allows me to take home at the end of every day. I absolutely love my job and my life. It's very rare that I ever not want to go to work and at days end I feel pretty good about how my day was spent. But if there is one thing that might ruin that day, it would be that one person who felt like it was his or her personal obligation to do so.
Everyone who is in the position of working with the public sees them all the time. If you're a waitress then it's probably a normal part of your day to grin and bear the folks that are just never satisfied with their meal and demand to be compensated with something for free (I hate that! C'mon, really. How inconvenienced were you that they had to make you a new steak?). If you work in a movie theatre then it's your job to care about that customers feelings who were hurt by the excessive amount of salt on their popcorn or swearing in their movie. If you sell clothes or shoes you might bend over backwards to help someone try on everything in the store for hours only to watch them walk out the door with nothing but what they were wearing when they walked in. Coincidentally, I have had all of these jobs and have had to deal with all of these people. I feel your pain.
Let's face it. Any job that requires you address people with any variation of "Hi, how can I help you?" is a job that allows you to be set up for the proverbial kick in the nuts. The tattoo world is not different. There are way too many types and examples to cover just here, but for now this will be another list of my own personal major three. Let's start with...
THE MINOR. This one is pretty easy to figure out. You can't get a tattoo unless you're 18. The end. There are places where you can get a tattoo with parental consent and that's fine, as long as some guidelines are followed. And you might not think that this would be a problem when it comes to customer service. Just say no, they go away, problem solved. But an underage customer is still a future customer and I try to be reasonable and delicate when I talk to them. The real problem is having to deal with the parents. "I don't understand why you just can't tattoo my sons neck if he wants it." Um, did you just hear yourself? One day a young man came to my shop (who was actually in an hour earlier but "forgot" his I.D.) with mom in tow. Apparently they were both under the impression that mom could just sign a paper, drop him off and leave since she had things to do. I informed them that this was not the case. Mom has things to do so she's ready to leave. The kid flips out. "Dammit, mom! I've been trying to get a fucking tattoo all fucking day!" (Actual quote. If I talked to my mom like that I would not exist.) I said "All day? Why you poor thing, you must be exhausted. Would you like to make an appointment?" They left swearing at me. I waved with a smile. I could write ten blogs about what little respect today's youth have for anyone, let alone me and my business. But for the purpose of customer service, these hateful little cretins still get my best face. When they leave I stuff my face in a pillow and imagine going back in time and keeping the parents of the little shit from ever meeting. Um... I mean hi, how can I help you?
THE IMPATIENT. There are those that want a tattoo. And there are those that want a tattoo NOW! Look, tattoos take time. It's not just drawing with a pen. There's artwork to prepare, set up, clean up and anything in between that needs done. It's not broad strokes and scribbles. So it may be likely that you have to tell someone that the next available appointment is two weeks from now (or in some cases two months. If you have a tattoo show on The Learning Channel two years). It's amazing how pissed some people get over this. Recently a group of six people came into the shop just as I was starting my first tattoo of the day. At least three of them wanted tattoos to honor the memory of a loved one who had just recently passed. The size and detail of the tattoos varied from person to person. It was Monday. I told them that I would be able to fit them in next Wednesday. The reply to this was: "But his funeral is tomorrow at 2:00." In my head I said "He'll be just as dead next Wednesday." My mouth said "I'm sorry but I'm booked until next week." I gave them cards and told them if they couldn't find an opening somewhere else to give me a call. It would seem there could be a customer service happy ending here. There isn't. As I was tattooing my scheduled client this group went through the rest of the shop trash talking me with great attitude to the rest of the customers and discussing their confusion as to why I can't tattoo them. Even the dude I was working on commented on the noticeable angst with which these people reacted to me. They overheard me say to him "Tattoos take time. I respect that they're hurting but they have to wait." This took them to a frenzy of curse words and middle fingers in my direction. I know they were in pain so I'll forgive them. But there has to be an understanding here. If a good tattoo is worth sitting through then it should also be worth waiting for. These people didn't care about honoring a loved one, they wanted to show off at the funeral home. For this or any other reason that someone might not want to wait for ink is the kind of person that probably doesn't really appreciate tattoos as art but more for status. But they are customers too. It's just not often that they realize, or care, that the people that have been waiting on my calender for a month are just as important to my business as those that have been needing a tattoo for ten minutes.
THE HAGGLER. In addition to being an artist, the tattooist is many things. We are the new bartender, where we listen to the problems of strangers. We are psychologists, where we try to tap into a persons heart and mind so that we can help them find the perfect tattoo for their newest piece of self expression. We are nurses with a practiced bedside manner, so that we may encourage them when they're nervous or in distress and pain. The one thing that most people forget that we are not... whores. I've talked a bit about this before in my previous blog "The Price of a Tattoo". But it's a huge part of customer service in this industry. I will always do my best to work with a clients budget. Getting a client to work with me in return isn't always easy. Many times have I listened to a customer go on about how they want this and that and another thing in a tattoo. To hear them describe it you might think they were planning a full bodysuit. It's usually something they want contained in a rib cage of half sleeve. After a lot of talk and maybe a rough sketch they'll ask for the price. When I give it to them the dull thudding of jaws hitting the floor can be heard for blocks. "Oh, I only have about seventy dollars." I want to look them dead in the eye and offer "Get out." But I don't. I'm a customer service representative of Under the Gun Tattoos. I'll ask how I can help. Sometimes when I'm asked for a price I might say $150 and they'll shoot back "Oh. Can you do it for $80?" Um... no I can't. I don't go to McDonalds and ask the cashier to shave a few dollars off the price of my nuggets. I can't get the gas station to throw in a few free gallons since I've already bought ten. So what would make a potential tattooee think that I'm willing to give away my livelihood? I really don't know. But it's a phenomenon I can't seem to get used to no matter how often I face it. It's comical that a customer will remember how important their money is to them without considering that I use the same kind of money they do. And don't get me started on tipping.
Yes, this is a customer service industry and I try to service my customers because that's what we all are. Everyone loves to tell the story about how they were treated so terribly at that restaurant/movie theatre/Gap/brothel. I think most of us try not to give a person an excuse to tell such a story. And it might not happen often but it happens in the tattoo business, when you ask "How can I help you?" make sure you're wearing a cup because your going to get kicked in the nuts.
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